Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Trial by Fire

I had a really weird weekend. Good, but weird. I had a really nice dinner with a woman on Friday night. She was cool. She seemed stable, together, fun. She had a good career, no excessive baggage I could notice right away and I could tell she liked me. At the end of the night I was pretty sure I wanted to see her again. I made a date with her for Tuesday night.

Then Saturday happened. I claim no special powers of supernatural variety except one. I can tell when a person is attracted to someone else, usually before they are ready to admit it to themselves. In this case, the cool girl was crushed out on my friend M. Now M is super-cool and I can understand her appeal. She's bright as hell, has survived things that would put an army general in a psyche ward and has this amazing wit that draws in anyone who doesn't get initially scared off by the black and leather and spiky things.

So, I digress... Anyway, I pick up very quickly that 'cool girl' is majorly interested in M, but she likes me too. We have a few chats about it and I decide I can't be in this. Did you ever see When Night Is Falling? When Camille asks Petra if they can just hang out as friends? It goes like this:

Camille: Well, don't people like you just have friends, sometimes?
Petra: Yes, 'people like me' do.
Camille: And, why couldn't I be one?
Petra: I'm attracted to you, Camille.
Camille: It's ok, it's ok. We're not animals, we don't always have to act on our attractions.
Petra: What would we do, as friends?
Camille: Have fun.
Petra: Fun - sounds like a buddy movie.
Camille: Yes, exactly. Like Thelma and Louise. But... without the guns.

Yeah, I love that movie. But the thing is, Camille can't really resist Petra and they end up together and people get hurt in the process, even if it was just a rather unsympathetic straight guy minister in this situation.

If I thought 'cool girl' could date two people casually I'd be down for that. But she's not wired that way. Even if she doesn't want to make that decision. So I'm putting my many months of therapy to work and setting good boundaries. Dr. S would be so proud...

So this all sounds fine and dandy, right? Well in a perfect world, yes.

Maybe I'm hormonal; maybe I'm just not feeling that strong or that 'nice' right now. But right now I wish I could be hanging out on her couch with my head in her lap.

I'm such a tool.

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