Cet obscur objet du désir

I had a holiday tree-decorating party on Sunday and invited a few close friends to create a new holiday tradition of friendship, goodwill and warmth. It was a great success. The gathering allowed some important people in my life to meet and it sparked an interesting conversation the next day.

I chatted the next day with Mr. Darcy and she mentioned that my ex, M, had a strange energy that makes her quite fascinating. I realized that others have felt that when they meet her but it was very gratifying to actually speak of it. I admitted that M was probably the closest I have ever felt to experiencing love at first sight. I met her at a dinner gathering for a couple of friends who were getting married. I remember arriving at the party and being hot, sweaty, and very hungry- to the point of feeling a hypoglycemic loopyness. My main objective was some sort of meat product on the grill and into my path steps M. She looked at me more directly and intensely than anyone I could remember. Looking back, I couldn't tell you anyone else in my environment past the point when she and I locked eyes. A couple days later I danced with her at the wedding and when I put my arm around her waist she leaned her head on my shoulder and I heard her breathe "Mmmm" into my ear.

I was hooked. She lived half a country away, she had a girlfriend and nothing about her life coincided with mine.

I didn't care.

Mr. Darcy said that although she felt something resembling this energy, she also felt her spirit guides touch her shoulder and guide her away.

It must be nice to have the universe look after you in that way.

Overall though, I think the experiences I have with my loves far outweigh the hard jolts when I hit the ground. I may not say that in the moments right after something blows up in my face but after a time and the opportunity for some perspective I know the truth. Loves that come into my life enhance me immeasurably. What would my life have been like without all those women who have broken my heart?

Decidedly empty.

When in my advanced age I look back at my life I believe I will feel very lucky to have experienced as much love as I have. I bless them all, and look forward to the opportunity to reach those heights again, even for just a little while.