Relationships in the Modern World

A pen pal on OKCupid asked me an interesting question today. She wanted to know my opinion on why it is that many relationships do not last very long.

Interesting question, and I have a few theories:

1) I think modern society is modeling for everyone that everything on earth is impermanent and disposable. There are very few things in this world that someone commits to keep for a lifetime. If you think of it, every possession, career, living space and household object will be changed and replaced- and most will agree- at a an alarmingly faster rate than in the past. I'm sure most of you remember the permanence of our parent's generation. People got a single home, started work for a stable company and bought well-thought out belongings that were meant to last a lifetime. I think the same mentality factors in when thinking of relationships. Most of us have the best of intentions but just have no model for what a lifetime commitment would look like. We job-hop, city-hop, throw away everything from our razors to our cameras, so what exactly is permanence?

2) Another factor that somewhat ties in to the theory above is the feeling that if you settle for one person, all those other gillions of options are done- and what if one of those was better? We are in a place of actually shopping for PEOPLE online! OKCupid, Yahoo Personals, Craigslist-- we look for people like buying a product and with the constant draw of 'next month's selection' how can anyone find a real connection and be content? Just living in a city with lots of things to do and attractive, interesting people everywhere can give anyone the 'grass is greener' syndrome. In past generations, especially in more rural societies most everyone found a partner at an early age, started having kids and Mr. Johnson's wife was no better than your own- and think of the scandal at your church if something out-of-line happened! So- more anonymity, less accountability, more temptation, less permanence.

3) Years ago the life-span of people was decidedly shorter, therefore 'forever' with a wife/husband may be 20 or 30 years less than it is now. It is pretty easy to commit when you will be dead at 45 anyway.

4) There is also the factor that since our generation has less parents that have been married all of OUR lives, we do not have as many people who actually have lifetime commitment MODELED for them. It is easier to think of ditching a partner if the people who raised you couldn't make it work either.

Who knows what will happen to the future of 'lifetime' commitment but I don't like the direction this is heading. I am one of the lucky 'old school' types that has parents that just celebrated 50 years of marriage. My father has worked for the same company since 1969 and I lived in the same house from 2nd grade until I left for college. I'm a dying breed, which is why I look at potential lovers and connections with such a jaundiced eye, but I was built for the long haul. Maybe someday I will find someone who was also.