1, 2, and the dreaded 3
I am much better from the angry place I was in a few days ago. I think I hadn't quite gotten over my stomach queasiness and it made me a total cranky-pants. Now my pants- and the rest of me are much happier!
So I was hanging out with C doing my typical Thursday Scrabble game last night and we got into a delightful discussion. She told me she and P had been talking about how people are in 3 categories. There are 1's, who are generally good-natured, not overly suspicious, have no major mental health issues and are easygoing and good partner material.
Then there are 2's, who have some issues, can be unpredictable, engage in drama, but are honest and self-aware enough to know THEY are the problem and admit that.
Then there are the dreaded 3's. These are people who are big giant balls of drama, have major issues and worst of all, they refuse to take responsibility for their fucked-upedness and instead blame those around them when chaos ensues.
I enjoyed hearing about these categories and was curious how my circle fit into them. C then said, "There are about 4 or 5 "1's" that I know. Herself, me, P, S and then I mentioned our mutual friend Sean and she agreed with that.'
She said 3's should be put onto a boat, carted off to an island and dropped off there like Lost so they couldn't hurt others. I agreed and then said it seemed that I had dated a lot of 2's. She laughed heartily and said, "Darlin, you ALWAYS date 3's!" I started to argue with her.
"But ___ wasn't like that..." my voice trailed off. C cocks an eyebrow and snorts.
"But what about __?" I asked.
She stares.
"OK, you are right. And ___?"
She nods
"But ___ was good to me..."
C frowns and shakes her head.
Oh my G-d. I date 3's. I fall for 3's. They are awful to me. How do I stop?
C said I can't really expect I will find that many 1's, but dating some 2's would at least keep me from being sucked in and/or having my self-esteem and well-being battered by these walking disasters.
I quietly agreed. Then sat for a moment.
"Could I at least vacation on the island after we drop them all off?"
"No!"
"Damn. I'll miss them."
Why do 3's have to be so damn good-looking?
posted by sparksnsmoke @ 4:43 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
Must clarify, as this categorization system is starting to make the rounds and I keep getting (inadvertently) misquoted. ;)
1's are stable. As in, stable elements, stable molecules. As in, non-reactionary and non-instability-producing. You can make a 1 happy or sad or mad, but you can't make them make drama. They are stolid, steady, and if anything, can be boring - especially if you enjoy dramatic scenes and emotional extremes. This does not mean they're perfect or lack frustrating personal traits. (They can be intolerable, just like anyone. They might *not* be good partner material. They might be grumpy, Hello Kitty collectors who prefer to live alone, but they're predictable, consistent, and self-contained). A "1" will plod along doing what makes it happy, with or without you. "1"'s make stability around them. Thrown off base, a "1" naturally re-centers and keeps on being a "1".
"2"'s are unstable and introduce instability into their environment, but they know that, and to the extent that it needs working on, they're working on it. A "2" might struggle with non-neurotypicality or a tendency to pick bad partners out of a cycle of abuse, but life with a "2" will never be dull. But "2"'s take responsibility for their own shit.
"2"'s and "1"'s are both potentially good partner material.
"3"'s go to the island. "3"'s create mess and disaster around them, and refuse to accept responsibility, see the pattern, or take steps to change. "3"'s hurt people. Doesn't really matter if they're really charming or exciting, careering from one emotionally charged scene from another. They are *bad news* as friends, lovers, parents, co-workers, bosses, etc. You can't get better if you can't admit there's a problem, and "3"'s can't admit it. The biggest 3 I know wrecked a half-dozen lives in one fell swoop and didn't even slow down - that's the only time I've straight up cut somebody out of my life. I don't truck with "3"'s no more. Put 'em on the island, check in once a year to see if they've turned into "2"'s. If not, the island is where they stay.
How can you tell if a person is a 1, 2, or 3?
Look around her/him. See mess? See permanently damaged relationships?
No = 1.
Yes, but s/he takes responsibility and limits the damage = 2.
Yes, it's carnage, and s/he's standing in the middle either saying "who me?" or throwing the blame on something/someone else = 3. (Run).
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