Giving up Shyness for Lent

I went to Ash Wednesday services last night. There is something kind of spooky and Pagan-like about having ashes smudged onto your forehead as a sign of commitment and sacrifice. I’ve only been celebrating Ash Wednesday for a few years but I really connect with it.

Afterward I went to the comedy night at Rusty Spurs. I considered how I would be received showing up at a bar with a big charcoal cross on my forehead but it was actually not bad. I got a couple of quizzical looks but no one tried to wipe it away (thinking it was there accidentally) and no one seemed to be less friendly or put off by it. Actually I think just the opposite happened. I flirted with a couple of women and they flirted right back. I also had a woman come up and ask me what church I attended. When I told her she was very excited; knew the pastor and used to attend with an old girlfriend. She asked me which service time I attended and said she would make an effort to come. Looking back I don’t know if I was doing God’s work or working the room but it was a sweet interaction nonetheless.

I notice I carry myself with more confidence lately. As much as the outside has changed from dropping 16 pounds, the inside changes along with it. I told my friend S that I would probably get more serious dates when my body changed and she disagreed. She said anyone who was worthy would not care about my size. I replied that it had nothing to do with my physical appearance, but how the greater confidence in how I look changes how I approach people. She definitely agreed with that take on it.

The last three times I have gone into a social environment with a group of strangers I have had a much better time than in the past. I notice I flirt, look people in the eyes more and really carry myself in a way that attracts more attention. I read the palms of strangers, go up to women I have never met and buy them drinks and randomly chat with ones I find interesting. Funny thing is- when I do this, I have no real interest in getting their number or following up. I don’t attempt to ask them out or push any further than a social chat, then I go home in a chipper mood, considering the night a success. I like this place, and the energy it creates. So far Lent is starting out well. I’ll keep you posted about the next 39 days.