Whoa. What was that?

I'm experiencing something that doesn't happen often for me.

I fell out of love this weekend.

It happened once before that I can remember. Once when I was arguing with my soon-to-be ex wife and she tried to make me sell our house and force me to move out. I hung up the phone from a particularly tense and unhappy conversation and thought to myself, "I don't love you anymore."

This time was odd also. A phone conversation that started innocently enough but kind of unraveled about half way through.

Afterward I felt like I was coming down with the flu. I was shaking all over and my face was burning up. I felt cold and was almost sure I had a fever. I took a hot bath, slept a few hours and then woke up obsessing at 5am and couldn't go back to sleep.

I felt a bit better later in the morning but was still not myself. I then met a friend and the subject of this story for lunch and again felt flu-ish when lunch was over.

I went for a walk with my friend and the longer I walked and the more I talked the more I could feel the sickness draining out of me. Two hours later I was myself again.

I didn't think much more about it for the rest of the day and I slept well that night. The next day I felt good. Also different. No more warm fuzzies. No more heart pangs and soulful ache. It both did and didn't make sense. Maybe I finally said what I needed to say. Maybe I finally heard what I needed to hear.

Whatever the cause, I just sweated out a heartache and now I'm grinning to myself and thinking, "gee- what was all that bellyaching about?"

I'm not saying the subject of this story is a bad person, or unlikable; she certainly has her charms and I wish her every happiness.

I'm just glad the clouds have lifted and I can see my way forward again.

As for that morose Resolution post a few days back- I am still focused on becoming more healthy in body, mind and spirit. As for tending my heart- I think I just did.

It's good to be back.