Mommy Dearest

A woman I know is having a “Mommy Dearest” party this weekend and I am invited. I’m still not sure if I will go but one of the activities mentioned on the invite is to write a story about our mother that can somehow be tied in to the movie. Now one thing is for certain. My mother is practically a saint. I can’t think of a single time she has ever shown herself to be selfish, hateful or cruel. I aspire to be like her in that respect. My mother is also the only person I know that is exactly what she appears to be. No artifice, skeletons in the closet, sinister vices—nada. I know I could never be that person but I adore her for it. In thinking of a ‘mom’ story I could not think of anything that would put her in an unflattering light. Not so with dad- I could write a story about him practically every day, but that is another story—or many, or a novel.

I did, however think of a cute story about my mother and I thought I would share. It certainly does not portray her as cruel—just lacking in decorum, or as I like to describe- a gear for reverse.

My partner and I were hanging out at the dinner table with mom one afternoon. I don’t know how the original subject was broached but it created a horrifying and hilarious “mom story”. Here is pretty much a verbatim exchange.

Mom: “That k.d. lang is so ugly. She is the ugliest woman I believe I ever saw.”
Mom then peers at my partner, cocks her head and says: “You know, you kinda look like her.”
N is dumbstruck, blushes and doesn’t know whether to laugh or just stay silent.
Me: “Mom!”
Mom, now giggling nervously says: “Well, k.d. lang IS ugly, and you DO look like her!”
At this point we all disintegrate into giggling fits and I manage to gasp out: “Mom- just stop talking!”

I figure if that is the worst story anyone could come up with about their mother I am truly blessed. I indeed have a very good mama.