Friday, April 03, 2009

RE: Stereotypical Angry Dyke- A Resolution

I got a letter from the woman that I wrote about a couple of weeks ago. She apologized for 'getting busy' and having her relationship status change after just meeting me. She also said she would like to make an effort to connect with me in the future in friendship. Her flirty way of suggesting we had similar 'interests' was a cause for concern and I thought about it all day at work before penning this reply:

Thank you for your letter. I have considered your suggestion and have come to what I believe is the best solution for everyone.
While I am of course quite happy to chat with you at our singles events and consider myself a friendly acquaintance, I don't think a stronger connection is wise. If you find yourself attracted to me it is probably not the best thing for your newly-forming connection with the woman you are dating. Dance with the devil once too often and the devil looks pretty damn good.
Also, I do have a very large social circle and a busy social life and I find it quite a challenge to keep meaningful connections with all my current friends.
Lastly, I am not one to hold a grudge but I do want to point out some less-than-stellar decisions that did not exactly endear you.
I realize you haven't been in many dating situations in quite some time but maybe you can file these lessons away for future reference.
1) Don't agree to an activity with me and then cancel and tell me you are going with the other person you are dating.
2) Don't try to fix me up with someone else because you feel guilty.
3) Don't stop communicating and get weird and then explain it by saying your life got busy.
Pointing out these things may not seem caring and friendly but it actually is. I think it is important to know how our actions are interpreted by the people around us and it encourages different decisions in the future. I thrive on honesty and this is mine for you. I hope things continue to go well in your current connection.
Best wishes-Me

Now I have to compliment the woman for responding in a gracious and open way. She acknowledged she did not handle things well and took responsibility for it. This greatly raised her in my eyes. I'm big on taking responsibility and not getting defensive when someone raises issues they have with you. Kudos to her and I do hope to run into her socially in the future.

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