Keeping My Therapist Entertained

This has been the most insane start to the year that I can remember. Every two weeks when I visit my therapist I spend the whole hour (actually 50 minutes for you folks in the know) just catching her up on what has happened since the last time I came! I used to have a pretty ordinary life. Good friends, a girlfriend, a routine. Since I have been single I feel like I should have an 'Eddie-cam' to entertain people with normal lives.

So I mentioned in my last post about that I had contacted my ex g/f, C. Well, let me officially tell you that was a BIG strike 3! It seemed ok for a while, then it crumbled again. I can't even exactly tell you what happened, other than it almost totally matched the last push-pull experience I had with her. The nice part is thanks to my therapy, I didn't let it pull me as far this time. C is clean and sober alright, but honestly, I think maybe the drugs and alcohol made her more pleasant to be around! I noticed right away the things I had forgotten in my romanticizing of my past with her. She was combative, argumentative, aggressive, and gave me just enough vulnerability to make me keep trying. I found myself with that old familiar feeling. No, not romance or lust or sweetness, but discomfort. Walking on eggshells. Choosing my words, deciding not to comment or challenge. Oy! I don't know if it will ever help her but I hope someday she gets a formal diagnosis. After I really knew what to look for this time I could see it clearly. I'm about 90% sure she is Borderline. Yeah, and smart enough to make it seem like all her angst and hurt and anger are my fault. I'm writing this to remember. And the nice thing is this time I don't have the sex or the hot body or the pheromones to cloud my memory. Just some memories of tense phone calls, histrionics and a feeling I have slipped the noose. Thanks to all my friends for their support. I had to do this for myself, but I'm glad to have gotten away intact.

Now for the good stuff! I don't know about you but in the good news/bad news combo, I want the bad first. Get it over with. I won't even enjoy the good news if I know there is bad next!

Good stuff. My connection with H is strengthening. I'm enjoying spending time with her and she is recovering from an experience that is much more fresh than the re-run I had with C. This is her 1st time 'on the borderline' and it has really messed with her head. I feel for her. She is so tender, sweet, loving, and someone just used all that against her to try to make her feel like pure shyte.

BTW, did you know the word 'shyster' is a German word, meaning 'shitter'. No joke. They also at Christmastime have a little cardboard figure of a man with a 'gold' chocolate coin wedged in his butt-cheeks as a treat. He is called the 'Goldshyster', literally 'Gold-shitter' I got one at R's holiday party a few years ago. It cracked me up! Oh, and schmuck is a yiddish word for foreskin. Ain't I a treat?

OK, back to the H story. I don't know what will happen next and for some reason that does not disturb me at all. I know I like her. I like spending time with her, and we like many of the same things. She's also hella-pretty and yeah, uh... yummy. I don't think she knows what she wants yet either so in a lot of ways I see us as these two shell-shocked war survivors, crawling out of the ashes and tumbling towards each other. Who knows what will survive, but the important thing is- we both did.