Saturday, April 25, 2009

Beware the naked man who offers you a shirt

I went to see Maya Angelou tonight. The quote above is from her. Well, she said it is an African saying so it did not originate from her. She used the quote to illustrate the idea that it is inappropriate for someone who does not love themselves to shower someone else with praise.

So, more about tonight. I took my friend C with me and I realized as we stared with rapt attention at a woman we both revered that she was the best person in the world to be there with me. The world just works out that way sometimes.

C is brilliant and knows me sometimes better than I know myself-- although sometimes I have proven her wrong. Tonight I found myself bemoaning my worries about the women I am seeing. She rolls her eyes as if to say, "You are the only person I know that would complain about abundance".

Well, I'm not complaining, per se- just concerned. See last night I broke my rule. I kissed one of the woman with whom I'm 'hanging out'. It felt like I just couldn't resist. At some point in the evening I found myself focusing on her lips and wondering what it would be like to kiss them. I also noticed that although she and I had never done more than casually brush against one another in conversation, I found excuses to lean against her extended arm and she found excuses to move a bit closer. As for the kiss itself? Definitely one of the best I've had in a very long time. Soft, gentle, a bit teasing. Yes, very high kissing marks-- to the point that I had to force myself to say goodnight and kind of totter away in a slightly stupid fog.

Now for me since a boundary has been crossed, I feel an obligation to talk with the recipient of my kiss and ask about her expectations and I need to decide whether I can fulfil them. I guess I'll get that opportunity tomorrow. We are going on another dyke-hike and then going to a green energy fest at the 'Hey Cupcake' on Burnet. She's certainly awesome- and one of the most genuinely kind people I've met in a long time.

I was talking to my friend S last night and telling her I had discerned the difference between 'nice' and 'kind'. See, 'nice' is situational. You can be 'nice' when you want to influence someone, when you think people are looking, when you are courting, and when you want something, but that doesn't mean you are kind. Kind happens when no one is looking. It is what you are and not what you do. I can see that in K. Kindness radiates off her even when she thinks I'm not looking.

I'm feeling very optimistic about my future. Good things are here and more are coming. I am so very grateful for this abundance. I'll take C's advice and try not to use it as an excuse to worry.


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