Conversion

I assisted in the passage from life to death today. My sweet one made the decision to let her 17 year old cat go. Death is always shocking, mysterious, heart-wrenching. Choosing a time- a moment between living, breathing- to no more, puts their death on your head. I did what I could, which was very little. Leaving her alone to hold her when we found her skinny and unable to stand any longer. I tried to busy myself with chores outside as I glimpsed C holding this tiny thing as tears and less-elegant fluids poured down her face. We took it to the emergency vet, knowing there was almost no hope, but still wanting to do everything possible, the right way.

In the exam room C kept wiping debris out of the cat's nose and eyes, saying "You should die with dignity." She kissed her again and again. A tenderness I had not witnessed before. When IT was done, I drove her to my house (badly- using her stick-shift truck with the seat far too close I couldn't adjust). As C said her final goodbyes I dug a hole and found some covering stones. When I told C it was ready she stripped off her jacket and wrapped the cat. She mumbled that it was stupid to protect her from the cold and I said "No, not at all."

C still has not let me touch her. Maybe when she is in bed next to me tonight. She's a brisly one- but her heart is bigger and more tender than any I have seen. I like her very, very much. I hope she lets me.