Yeah, those are from me...

I guess she liked them. It is now her Facebook photo.

I have discovered I actually seem to sleep better next to her.

I told her this morning I had been asking for her for years. I'm very glad she finally arrived.

Adventures in Normality

Mmm- I do love some smooth sailing.

Life is floating along sweetly for me. It reminds me of when Obama was elected and I could finally let go of all the nervousness and angst that seemed to fill my days.

It is a strange adjustment to not worry when the person I am dating is going to unexpectedly turn nasty, ignore me, tell me they are poly or do something else shocking and disrespectful... Wow- I am pretty floored I tolerated that kind of behavior in the past and somehow thought that was the best I could do. Geez- what the heck was wrong with me? What the heck is wrong with anyone who tolerates bad behavior?

Now my every day reality makes me shake my head and grin as if waking from a bad dream and thinking- "Wow, what was THAT all about?

Makes me wonder what my blog will be about in the future.

I guess I will have to get used to adventures in good times and sweetness and hope the drama and chaos will just be about hijinx of missing flights to Paris or camping in a downpour.

I could get used to that.

Random Thoughts

Now that I find myself in a sweet, drama-free relationship and things are going well I find myself wondering how I could have gone through all the insanity and chaos of the past few years. I know there was a time when I was not quite 'seasoned' enough in the cosmic stew-pot and some time in therapy definitely helped with that. My old pattern of attracting 'Damsels in Distress' and making their lives way too comfortable has been vanquished and I certainly don't miss that dynamic.

There is still a bit of a fear that comes from a deep and historically disappointed place inside. Because of a spate of short-lived flings where I lost my heart and the person vanished soon thereafter I sometimes worry that emotions for me are top-loaded. I have a fleeting worry that I represent the romantic equivalent of 'Achy-Breaky Heart'. Catchy at first and immediately enjoyable but a couple of months later you pretend you never heard of it and certainly never enjoyed it. I've definitely been the object of the inexplicable breakup on a few occasions.

See, I am good at inspiring initial crushes. Women do not seem to have a problem falling for me quickly. I just sometimes wonder what causes the disconnect down the line. I worry a bit that maybe I am missing an inner depth that holds the attention long-term.

Or, maybe I just dated a lot of screwed-up women.

Since K is probably the most emotionally healthy and stable person I've met in ages I'll go with the latter theory. I know the strange assortment of bi-polar, borderline and narcissistic objects of my affection were in no shape for a mature and sincere emotional connection. And of course not everyone is going to emotionally connect with you just because you connect with them. That doesn't make them a nut, just law of averages.

It took a while but I finally feel that I've gotten it right. I may be a little jumpy for a while but slowly I may be able to really trust and connect for the long haul. I have a wonderful inspiration for that now.

Let's do another one...

K was supposed to chaperon the OutYouth prom this weekend and she asked if I would like to come along and help. I couldn't resist the opportunity to dress up in my tux and look handsome for my sweet one. We had a very nice time patrolling the parking lot in formal wear and sneaking in a little nuzzling when we could. Lisa R once walked by us and did the traditional prom chaperon line: "OK kids, leave room for the Holy Spirit!"

The prom was pretty tame as mischief goes. We didn't spot any bad behavior so maybe going to a queer prom is radical enough for these kids.

Life is really good. Abundance aplenty.

The Fabled K

It's Official

I have a girlfriend.

I certainly wasn't expecting things to progress this quickly but I do know from experience that hesitation in connection usually indicates a lack of passion so here I am- with a girlfriend for the first time in a year and a half.

And what a girlfriend she is! OK, I expect eye-rolling at this point since I keep gushing over her but man-- she is super-cool and groovy.

Yesterday I surprised her by showing up at her church when she was going through her membership ceremony. I ran late arriving and couldn't find her until after I sat in the back of the church. When I finally spotted her in the crowd I had the pleasure of just looking at her for a while before she knew I was there. Have I mentioned she is beautiful? She peered around the crowd and her eyes almost passed me by and then she did a double-take, and looked delightfully surprised. I gave her a smile and a little wave. She looked precious. It was too crowded to sit with her but she did invite me up to take communion with her. Standing there with her getting a blessing from the minister felt wonderful.

Later in the afternoon we met back up and took a bike ride over to the little food trailer park area on S. 1st. After a nosh we sat in a porch swing under a tree and talked for hours. At one point an almost microscopic baby praying mantis fell into her lap and we both marveled at the fascinating sight. We also grew in each other's esteem as we found a safe place for it in the crook of a tree.

The G word was almost an accident. As we talked we discussed my concerns about our age difference. She asked if it was a problem for me. Without thinking I said, "No, but I'm the one with the hot 28 year old girlfriend."

I paused, realizing what I had said.

I then said- "Well, I have spoken the G-word. I guess I should make an honest woman of you. Would you like to be my girlfriend?"

She said yes without hesitation and I wondered how life could have been so hard before now.

She is kind, gentle, thoughtful and intelligent. She likes my quirky sense of humor, cuddling on the couch and talking for hours. She may be the motivation I need to keep fit. I damn well better to keep up with a 28 year old triathlete! At least she took it easy on me on the bike ride and showed me a sneaky back path over railroad tracks behind a housing complex where we had to carry our bikes in the moonlight.

It is hard to believe this is my reality but I'm grabbing on with everything I have.

9 O'clock and All's Well

I'm making efforts to shut down the parts of my life that attract attention from single women. I've deleted my profiles on several singles sites and have written or talked to several women who were in my 'orbit' of late and explained I want to focus on what may be a major new connection.

Everyone has been very supportive and understanding. A couple have expressed good-natured disappointment but overall it feels very freeing and true.

As for things with K... mmmm. She slept in my bed Wednesday night.

I usually have difficulty sharing a bed with someone new. I have to adjust to the space they occupy and I feel constrained by the change. This was different. She slept mostly curled against my back and I slept deeply and securely. When I rolled and shifted she turned in tandem and she sleepily pulled my arm around her body as I turned to sleep against her spine. She was warm and affectionate without being smothering.

Last night I asked her favorite holiday. If you know me well you know it is a big question for me. Although I accept those who answer Beltane, Solstice, Halloween or whatever, her answer warmed me to my core. Christmas. She loves Christmas. The giving, the warmth, the smell, the family...

She asked me my favorite season. I told her I liked things about all of them but I think I liked seasons best when they signaled change. I like Spring when the earth comes back to life after a long slumber and I like Fall, when coolness and color herald the end of a time without a chilly breeze and thoughts of evenings by the fire. She agreed, stating she thinks she likes Spring a bit more but loved the change of seasons for the same reasons.

I asked her if she wanted to come to my church service this weekend. She could not because that morning she was running a 5k and then going through the ceremony to join her church at MCC. G-d finally sent me a Christian.

This feels very, very good.

If you see me around and I have a stupid smile and look like I'm about to veer into a wall as I walk just gently steer me. I'm not used to this abundance.