The Girl is Out There

I'm being cautious and taking things slowly but I am in the process of connecting and deepening a friendship/dating relationship with a woman who fits all my 'perfect world' criteria for a girlfriend. We have been dating a month and have known each other a little longer and it feels marvelous. It seems my many possibilities are sifting down to what may be my treasured destiny.

She's amazing, kind and thoughtful. Affectionate, intelligent, sweet, adorable, dorky, loving, spiritual, generous, and healthy in body and mind. She loves gardening, the outdoors, travel, pets, reading, cuddling and talking about ideas.

Like me, she also loves to stop and stare at unusual things in nature, touch and smell flowers, peer at unusual creatures and gaze in wonder at big twisted trees or how a pattern in bark can look like a face.

I am kinda blown away she also seems to be smitten with me. *Swoon*! I feel calm, joyful and delighted. When we met I thought she was way too cute, cool and awesome to be interested. There is also a bit of an age gap- enough to make me worry if I made a move she would think of me as a creepy 'cougar' or something. This fear kept me from even attempting a hug for several dates. Turns out she doesn't seem to care at all. Instead she curls against my neck and whispers sweet things to me in French.

Oh, and a bit of trivia. A few posts back I wrote about "Hike as a Metaphor for Love". I mentioned losing my hiking group and the fact that they we only found each other when I stopped looking for them. The hiking group leader that rushed up and said they had been looking for me? She is the woman who daily grows in my affection. I wish everyone who seeks it a warm cozy feeling that all is right with the world. At this moment I have it in abundance.

Beware the naked man who offers you a shirt

I went to see Maya Angelou tonight. The quote above is from her. Well, she said it is an African saying so it did not originate from her. She used the quote to illustrate the idea that it is inappropriate for someone who does not love themselves to shower someone else with praise.

So, more about tonight. I took my friend C with me and I realized as we stared with rapt attention at a woman we both revered that she was the best person in the world to be there with me. The world just works out that way sometimes.

C is brilliant and knows me sometimes better than I know myself-- although sometimes I have proven her wrong. Tonight I found myself bemoaning my worries about the women I am seeing. She rolls her eyes as if to say, "You are the only person I know that would complain about abundance".

Well, I'm not complaining, per se- just concerned. See last night I broke my rule. I kissed one of the woman with whom I'm 'hanging out'. It felt like I just couldn't resist. At some point in the evening I found myself focusing on her lips and wondering what it would be like to kiss them. I also noticed that although she and I had never done more than casually brush against one another in conversation, I found excuses to lean against her extended arm and she found excuses to move a bit closer. As for the kiss itself? Definitely one of the best I've had in a very long time. Soft, gentle, a bit teasing. Yes, very high kissing marks-- to the point that I had to force myself to say goodnight and kind of totter away in a slightly stupid fog.

Now for me since a boundary has been crossed, I feel an obligation to talk with the recipient of my kiss and ask about her expectations and I need to decide whether I can fulfil them. I guess I'll get that opportunity tomorrow. We are going on another dyke-hike and then going to a green energy fest at the 'Hey Cupcake' on Burnet. She's certainly awesome- and one of the most genuinely kind people I've met in a long time.

I was talking to my friend S last night and telling her I had discerned the difference between 'nice' and 'kind'. See, 'nice' is situational. You can be 'nice' when you want to influence someone, when you think people are looking, when you are courting, and when you want something, but that doesn't mean you are kind. Kind happens when no one is looking. It is what you are and not what you do. I can see that in K. Kindness radiates off her even when she thinks I'm not looking.

I'm feeling very optimistic about my future. Good things are here and more are coming. I am so very grateful for this abundance. I'll take C's advice and try not to use it as an excuse to worry.

An Embarrassment of Riches

I don't quite understand my reversal of fortunes of late. After going through several months of 'meh', things are turning around.

Maybe it's springtime. Maybe it's karma. Maybe it's a long-overdue pendulum swing. Payoff from Lenten sacrifice? Maybe my favorite fairy Leslie blessed me for giving him a ride. Now I'm giggling. It is quite possible that it is the result of banishing the negativity in my life and allowing positive things to flow into that space. I feel positively giddy and reborn.

Anyway, everything from a great refinance rate, a generous tax rebate, loving and supportive friends and some fantastic romantic possibilities- things are definitely looking sunny on my side of the street.

Now my biggest problem? Trying to decide between 3 or 4 different people- all of which are centered, mature, attractive, positive and appealing. I'd like to continue to get to know all of them in a friendly and organic way. I'm intentionally avoiding kissing any of them because that is the line which, when crossed, creates a decision-making process involving further intimacy, exclusivity, future intentions...

I'm going about the dating thing differently this time. Before now I have always been very specific, such as "I am asking you on a date." Now it is more like- let's hang out. Let's go for a hike. Let's catch a show with some friends. It smacks of that annoying "Are we dating or are we friends?" place I don't enjoy. However, it does allow a more relaxed environment for getting to really admire someone before heavy flirtation and hormones cloud judgement and change personalities. With at least two women I'm 'hanging out' with, we have established there is an attraction, but they are both shy and have not made a romantic move, and I seem to be avoiding it also. I'm not sure how long I can continue this since I've seen both of them several times but I like the kind of shy dance we seem to do. For this day I am a happy bachelor, swimming in the delights of possibilities, staring with wonder at the abundance of gifts that remain unopened.

I'm an Idiot

I did something really dumb last night. I was bone-tired from my travels and winding down by playing on the computer before bed. I was sending funny messages back and forth with my friend S and she pointed out in a message I got this morning that I had written my BFF's name C instead of the suggestion I intended which was that she drink a cup of CHAMOMILE tea. I was daft. S did think it was hilarious and told me to send her over- she had the cup ready!

But-- 10 times worse than that was when out of curiosity for which of my friends were on Facebook, I went through an automated process to let it pull in my address book. It pulled in lots of people I don't even remember (some I have never met because they are women from the Speed Dating groups). Anyway, in my exhaustion I thought I was cancelling the option and instead managed to hit the OK button-- sending out friend invites to EVERYONE in my address book!!!!! I was horrified. The worst was the idea that at least 2 or 3 of those people I never want to speak to again. And now they think I want them to be my Facebook friend!

This has taught me a valuable lesson. I really need to clean out my address book. Don't let this happen to you. Don't touch social networking sites unless you are awake, alert and un-impared.

Barely awake

What a weekend! I damn near over committed myself but I made it through and had an amazing time everywhere!

Friday night I met for coffee with a very cool woman- A. She is bright, stable, very attractive, and shockingly easy to talk to. I met up with her at Flipnotics and thought we had been there for about 15 minutes and I was floored to find out and hour and a half had gone by! I had a rather abrupt goodbye with her since she was running late to see a show downtown but I hope I see more of her soon.

I got up before the butt-crack of dawn on Saturday to catch a plane to Denver. In case you didn't know Denver had a huge batch of snow dumped on it on Friday. Made for an exciting time making it into the airport in Denver but luckily by then the snow was turning to rain and it wasn't icy anymore.

Denver was fun, stress-free and extremely relaxing. Just what I needed. My 2nd person A was attentive, delightful and a hell of a good time. It had been too long since I was there last. A keeps fretting I won't come back since I seem to be drawing interesting people into my life but I tell her I'm all feast or famine and she can never count me out.

I got back into Austin this afternoon and caught a fantastic show by a group called the Hilde Girls and the Djembabes. It was great fun and I convinced my friends D and M to go with me. I was especially interested in having M see them perform. I thought the music would resonate with her. She seemed to really enjoy it.

If you don't know, the Hilde Girls are an a'capella chorale group that sings the songs and chants of the 12th century saint Hildagarde of Bingham. Check out the website link above to learn more. Going to one of their shows is a very spiritual experience and the voices and message of the music is very nurturing. That, plus all the other delightful things in my weekend have put me in a very relaxed and centered place.

I think I'm ready to fall into bed early and have a sound and dreamless sleep. I wish the same for you.

Into the Great Wide Open

My room-mate left on Sunday for a 6-month journey to hike the Appalachian Trail. I've found a great way to tell gay women from straight using this news. If I say this to a gay woman she says something like: "Wow! That sounds so exciting!" If I tell a straight woman she looks at me in horror and says "Oh my! That sounds so dangerous!"

I'm really proud of her, although looking at what passes for her tent makes me really concerned for her comfort. It's basically just a tarp with a couple of strings holding it up, which are connected to her hiking sticks. There is no bottom to this, although she says she has a ground cover. Now I like camping and I'm no wuss but I want something separating me from ants, snakes and rushing water in a rainstorm. My tent has a floor and I wouldn't find it acceptable if it did not.

I'm amazed at how organized she is. She had spreadsheets and estimates of average travel per day and has packed her food and supplies to cover the time until she reaches the next town and mail drop where her next package will be waiting. She has an amazing group of friends and they came for a party last weekend that she adorably named "The Trail Mixer". Everyone took a box she will need mailed at a certain time on her trip. Mine will go out on July 5th. The postage would be killer if she didn't have supportive people sending the packages to her. Spread out among 25 or so people it is an affordable gift for someone we care about.

My best wishes and prayers go out to her as she begins her journey of over 2000 miles. It boggles the mind that this quiet studious woman is walking from Georgia to Maine. She has an iron will. I know she will make it.

K's blog that will cover her hiking adventure is available here: http://kelarama.blogspot.com/.

Wonderful

I saw this on a friend's Facebook page and had to post it here. It is utter and impossible joy and made me cry with glee. Just what I needed.

RE: Stereotypical Angry Dyke- A Resolution

I got a letter from the woman that I wrote about a couple of weeks ago. She apologized for 'getting busy' and having her relationship status change after just meeting me. She also said she would like to make an effort to connect with me in the future in friendship. Her flirty way of suggesting we had similar 'interests' was a cause for concern and I thought about it all day at work before penning this reply:

Thank you for your letter. I have considered your suggestion and have come to what I believe is the best solution for everyone.
While I am of course quite happy to chat with you at our singles events and consider myself a friendly acquaintance, I don't think a stronger connection is wise. If you find yourself attracted to me it is probably not the best thing for your newly-forming connection with the woman you are dating. Dance with the devil once too often and the devil looks pretty damn good.
Also, I do have a very large social circle and a busy social life and I find it quite a challenge to keep meaningful connections with all my current friends.
Lastly, I am not one to hold a grudge but I do want to point out some less-than-stellar decisions that did not exactly endear you.
I realize you haven't been in many dating situations in quite some time but maybe you can file these lessons away for future reference.
1) Don't agree to an activity with me and then cancel and tell me you are going with the other person you are dating.
2) Don't try to fix me up with someone else because you feel guilty.
3) Don't stop communicating and get weird and then explain it by saying your life got busy.
Pointing out these things may not seem caring and friendly but it actually is. I think it is important to know how our actions are interpreted by the people around us and it encourages different decisions in the future. I thrive on honesty and this is mine for you. I hope things continue to go well in your current connection.
Best wishes-Me

Now I have to compliment the woman for responding in a gracious and open way. She acknowledged she did not handle things well and took responsibility for it. This greatly raised her in my eyes. I'm big on taking responsibility and not getting defensive when someone raises issues they have with you. Kudos to her and I do hope to run into her socially in the future.

A little bit 'a this and a little bit 'a that

I was driving back home after having dinner with a friend at Magnolia cafe the other night and I saw Leslie standing at an intersection by a bus stop. We locked eyes and he did an exaggerated lean with his thumb out, then laughed. Must have been my strangely good mood but I rolled down my window and said- "Hey Leslie- where ya headed?"

"Downtown." He replied. "6th street."

I shrugged and thought- what the hell.

"Get in. I'll take you there"


He jumped in, never asking if he could smoke but never putting out his cig. He said he had overslept and missed the bus and was getting a later start to the night than usual. He then opened his purse, pulled out a silver flask and took a couple swigs. He offered a drink to me and I politely declined.

I dropped him off at 6th and Congress and made my way home, chuckling to myself.

******
I ordered a new tiller the other day! My current one is gas powered and I couldn't start it this year and I got tired of having to have it serviced so I'm replacing it with a little electric model I ordered from Sears.



I'm giving my old model to Marti so the freecycling line will live on. She gets a tiller for only the price of having it serviced and I get a nice environmentally friendly version that is light and requires very little maintenance. Look how cute it is:





So- I can think of no thread to connect Leslie and my new electric tiller but it was fun to create a blog entry that mentioned them both. Have a great weekend everyone.