I hate opera...

But this makes me cry every time.

Thanks Camille.

You are probably wondering why I've called you all here...

I decided to make my blog private so I sent out invites to folks I thought might want to visit once in a while. I'll gladly add others if they wanna but I got tired of censoring myself depending on who I thought might read it so here you all are. You don't have to visit or come back often. I think of this space as something I write for me and the occasional witness just keeps me well-mannered. Like living with people keeps me from drinking out of the milk carton.

Well, most of the time.

Welcome. The future will be a lot less safe so stop by once in a while for a little more bare bones and less 'sanitized for your protection'.

Starting with:

Yeah, I broke up with K. I was pretty freaking miserable. Luckily we are a lot better friends than future spouses so the future is bright. And I still get to hang with little G and buy him boxer briefs that match mine.

Yeah, I'm in therapy. Have been for a while. She's helping me create better boundaries and be less of a tool. I'm still a tool and probably will be for a while but I'm getting better at recognizing it. That is a start.

Yeah, I'm dating. I've had4 dates so far. Two freakishly bad, one that was ok and one I dug (see post below). What's next? Guess you'll have to tune in next time to find out.

Thanks for coming and happy holidays to the naughty and nice. Gimmie a grin. You just made it behind the velvet rope. Too bad the club is playing The Smiths and is lined with Velvet Elvis paintings. Leave when you're ready- but tell everyone outside how cool it is in here.

Trial by Fire

I had a really weird weekend. Good, but weird. I had a really nice dinner with a woman on Friday night. She was cool. She seemed stable, together, fun. She had a good career, no excessive baggage I could notice right away and I could tell she liked me. At the end of the night I was pretty sure I wanted to see her again. I made a date with her for Tuesday night.

Then Saturday happened. I claim no special powers of supernatural variety except one. I can tell when a person is attracted to someone else, usually before they are ready to admit it to themselves. In this case, the cool girl was crushed out on my friend M. Now M is super-cool and I can understand her appeal. She's bright as hell, has survived things that would put an army general in a psyche ward and has this amazing wit that draws in anyone who doesn't get initially scared off by the black and leather and spiky things.

So, I digress... Anyway, I pick up very quickly that 'cool girl' is majorly interested in M, but she likes me too. We have a few chats about it and I decide I can't be in this. Did you ever see When Night Is Falling? When Camille asks Petra if they can just hang out as friends? It goes like this:

Camille: Well, don't people like you just have friends, sometimes?
Petra: Yes, 'people like me' do.
Camille: And, why couldn't I be one?
Petra: I'm attracted to you, Camille.
Camille: It's ok, it's ok. We're not animals, we don't always have to act on our attractions.
Petra: What would we do, as friends?
Camille: Have fun.
Petra: Fun - sounds like a buddy movie.
Camille: Yes, exactly. Like Thelma and Louise. But... without the guns.

Yeah, I love that movie. But the thing is, Camille can't really resist Petra and they end up together and people get hurt in the process, even if it was just a rather unsympathetic straight guy minister in this situation.

If I thought 'cool girl' could date two people casually I'd be down for that. But she's not wired that way. Even if she doesn't want to make that decision. So I'm putting my many months of therapy to work and setting good boundaries. Dr. S would be so proud...

So this all sounds fine and dandy, right? Well in a perfect world, yes.

Maybe I'm hormonal; maybe I'm just not feeling that strong or that 'nice' right now. But right now I wish I could be hanging out on her couch with my head in her lap.

I'm such a tool.