Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Hey, How Did This Get So Hard All The Sudden?

OK, this parenting thing... I'm not even totally into it and so much of it just majorly sucks! Little G has both his good days and his bad. I hadn't really seen the bad so that makes for a pretty long honeymoon period. Just when I thought I had the exceptional child, the not so great G moves in for the weekend.

I set up a video for him and there was no sound. When I was attempting to fix it he screamed as if I had thrown him into the fire. My reaction to this monkey-shriek was to yell back. Mama came in and after determining he was not ready to calm down, gave him a swat. I felt awful. Like if I hadn't instinctively yelled back, he wouldn't have been punished. I took it much harder than he did. The apology was heart-wrenching, as he tearfully said "I'm sorry Eddie!" and collapsed against me in tears. Oy!

Beyond that, there were several wet pants accidents, general crankiness and I discovered after I took them home- he had written on the fabric part of my computer speakers with a pen. Aaagugh!!

This has brought up big issues for me. Kind of like therapy, it is hard to accept and I wasn't aware of it before. I've learned I'm a control freak when it comes to my environment. I've also learned when you have kids around, you can never become too attached to something because it can be broken or scribbled on, or covered in bodily fluids (anything from pee to snot to who-knows what). It's a hard lesson. Luckily, Hints from Heloise reminded me that hair spray will remove ink from fabric. The remnants of what looked like a website (www.something?) are now removed from my speaker, the office chair has been cleaned of pee, boogers removed from the roomie's comforter, and the house is back to normal.

Now how would I feel about a lifetime of this? I'm sure my answer will change depending on what has just broken, but I'm still in. Today.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Dodging a Bullet

Eddie, remember this mantra:

You picked the right one.

You picked the right one.

You picked the right one.


Three days snowed in with a sweet little family. An adorable toddler who is totally happy if given PBS, Computer time & Dino Chicken Nuggets. I even got this swell hat in the deal!

K is amazing. She totally held court at this weekend's Porn-a-palooza. My friends love her, I love her, and she loves me back. My favorite thing she says: "If I told people about you they would think I was making you up." She loves that I am uncomplicated, that I like building fires and chopping wood and watching football and being social. I love that she is one of the best moms I have ever seen, that she is thoughtful, bright, romantic, sexy and most of all- kind. Kindness has been hard to find for a while. So has stability, an easy-going nature and spontinaity. Expect to see this one around. I'm done.

Monday, January 08, 2007

The Sweet Life

I got the note below this morning from K. I don't think she would mind me sharing. It certainly made my day.
****

I kid you not, no exagguration, this is Just how it happened!

(To set the scene:A tired Mommy who has just drugged herself in order to shut down her waaay over active mind sits at a computer having given up on sleep after an hot bath and an hour and a half of tossing and turning, hoping to play on the net for a bit until the valerian kicks in. Suddenly she hears the uneven patter of lil feet wandring about in the dark house. Enter Small Child, not fully awake, weaving unsteadily across the floor rubbing his eyes and looking adorably rumpled. Seeing the too-bright computer light he stumbles, squinting towards it. The scene begins...)

Mommy: Come here Pumpkin. (watches silently as he weaves her direction almost blindly) Right here...Mommy's right here.

Small Child: (rubbing eyes and blinking...frowns and stumbles closer. He makes a sad lilttle sound with and even sadder little pout) Nooooo

Mommy: (reaching forward and gethering up adorable bundle of not-awakeness) What's wrong Bunny?

Small Child: Not Grandma's house (sniffle, sniffle, blink, rub)

Mommy: (understanding immediatly but trying not to encourage behavior that could be uncomfortable for all parties concerned) What, Honey? It's ok...come here. (Hugs, pats, kisses)

Small Child: (curling up in a fetal ball in lap and burrowing into the Mommy's blanket...muffled sniff) Not the Grandma's house

Mommy: Ok...um....(patting back soothingly, kissing tousled head) Do you want to go sleep in your Thinking Chair? (trying to distract with a rare treat...sleeping in the thinking chair)

Small Child: (shakes head) No (sniff sniff)

Mommy: (kisses head) Do you want to sleep in Mommy's bed?

Small Child: (pause....shakes head) No

Mommy: (hoping a wee bit that Small Child is just on a "no" streak) Well...ok....what do you want, my love?

Small Child: (muffled)...mumble...mumble...my Eddie's house

Mommy: What, Baby?

Small Child: (clearer) I want my Eddie's house.

Mommy: (a little teary...blame it on the drugs) You want Eddie's house?

Small Child: (nods...TAKES OUT PACI!!!) Yes. (returns Paci quickly to mouth)

Mommy: (kisses head, leans in to whisper) Mommy wants Eddie's house too.

Small Child: (nods...whispers back) Yes, Galen wants Eddie's house too.

(The Mommy sits and rocks the Small Child back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, eventually lulling him to sleep then depositing him in the much-loved Thinking Chair. She then returns to the computer to compose and email, absolutely certian there is no other way to describe this than a textbook definition of "Bittersweet")

Apparently he loves you as much as you love him. And that, at least, I know to be wonderful. We miss you.

-us

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Re-emerging from The Missing Year

As I end "The Missing Year" I decided to commit. It is my most unexpected pairing. When we started dating we both agreed we only wanted a casual thing. We both dated other people and experienced (as far as I know) no jeolosy about the 'others'. Then a series of strange events started to happen. I decided to commit to someone else back in November and when it came time to tell K I felt sort of sick. She took it really well, even comforting me in my anguish about the decision. Later she admitted she cried on the way home.

When my new relationship decision didn't work out I knew I wanted to see K again. When that happened, it seemed the energy was different. She seemed more focused, more loving... I also found myself thinking more sweetly about her. I bought her and little G tickets to The Lion King for Christmas and I was so excited about her opening them I gave them to her early. It made her cry. Definitely better to give than receive.

So, quite unexpectedly, I have found a woman who is loving, charming, supportive, lovely, fun, smart and comes with the potential for a ready-made family. Again I have managed to fall ass-backwards into a really great thing. Thanks universe.