One More Reason to Love Austin

Someone hacked into the City of Austin computer program that controls the messages on roadsigns and added what you see above. Actually the entire message scrolled through with 'Caution Zombies Ahead- Run for colder climates! Another incarnation read "Nazi Zombies Ahead!!! Run!! The end is near!

Mmm... Austin.

25 Random Things About Me

This was a Facebook assignment and I thought I'd post it here too.

1. I hate carrots, but My favorite dessert is carrot cake.
2. I sometimes still have an imaginary friend. Usually someone I have a crush on.
3. I cry watching Extreme Home Makeover.
4. Rachel Maddow is my imaginary girlfriend.
5. I work hard every day to overcome a fear of being considered lazy.
6. I'm a hypochondriac. It totally sucks.
7. I make the best brisket ever. Seriously- one friend wants it on her death bed.
8. I was a band nerd in high school. Even worse, I was a band nerd in college.
9. I'm currently toying with the idea of writing a book of erotica.
10.My mama is better than your mama.
11.I think Mama Cass Elliot was actually kinda hot.
12.I've never been on a date with a man.
13.My ADD keeps me disconnected from people.
14.I think tattoos are cool but can't think of anything I would want on my body forever.
15.I think about love and romance 80% of any given day.
16.I'm a tiny bit OCD.
17.I like to poke fun of mean people on Craigslist under the pen name of Sparks.
18.I own all the seasons of The L Word but I've never watched them.
19.I really, really like splitting wood for the fire.
20.I don't like to argue but I love good debate.
21.Women have won me over buy buying me caffeine-free Earl Grey tea.
22.I think the Alamo Draft House is the best idea in ages.
23.I would like to be described as 'adorkable'.
24.I don't mind if some people don't like me. In some cases I think it reflects well on me.
25.Writing my blog is one of the most satisfying things I do.

I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter!

I borrowed that line from Phoebe on the sitcom Friends because it is the most appropriate thing I could imagine in this moment.

I had a long talk with one of my exes tonight. She's the one I call "The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come". Long history with her and I'm still not quite sure what to make of it.

So, back to the subject of this post. I've had a 'texting friendship' with gocytc for a year or so now. Only once have we actually talked on the phone and we have exchanged only a handful of emails. Since both of us were single I found a few opportunities to flirt a bit with her through text and then she made a phone call appointment with me for tonight. Said she wanted to clear up a few things.

On the phone she admitted something really big to me. She said she doesn't feel that she has ever gotten over me.

Wow.

That was so out of left field all I could do was stare at the telephone while she was talking. From how she has behaved the past few months I had no idea she had any leftover feelings for me at all. I blithely discussed my love life dramas and various women I had dated and had no idea that each time I did she was hurt by it.

Wow.

She also admitted that she has only been with one person sexually since me.

Eeep!

*Forgive me while I go find some tape to wrap around my head to keep it from cracking open.*

Now please note, dear reader, that our short-lived relationship ended in November 2006. Yeah, that's like Jewish miracle kind of torch life.

Thing is, she has certainly stuck in my head for a long time too. Not to the nearly celibate level I seem to have for her but still. Obviously unfinished business. We have made a couple of half-hearted attempts to reconcile and/or date again but it never materialized. The last time I saw her in person was at Michfest a year after we broke up and she wasn't really speaking to me. Well, I don't really blame her. She mistook Camille for my girlfriend and was still floored I managed to be engaged within a few months of us breaking up.

Yeah, that DOES make me sound like a heel- I do know that. But-- me and the gocytc were never a monogamous couple except for a brief couple of weeks where in the end she broke up with me for the 3rd time. I was dating my future fiancee at the same time and everyone knew the score.

Well, everyone but me. I didn't know how much the gocytc was in love with me. I didn't know how I would rebound from her and fall into playing house with the gal with the adorable little kid and I didn't know that several years later I would be still in the same weird pool of no options like I was when all those women dissolved from my life.

OK, back to the whole 'taste of my own medicine' part.

I guess I really truly understood how the gocytc felt when she said things like: "I tried to be your friend and I had never gotten over you". Or "When you mentioned dating or other women I felt hurt, even though you had obviously moved on."

Yeah, I did that to someone for a while. And demonized them for not being in the same place as me. A little distance and clarity- and seeing things from the other side- made me realize how unfair that is. To judge someone based upon feelings you project upon them and to be angry with them for it.

Sorry about that dear reader. You didn't deserve that. I have yet to decide whether I deserve it from the gocytc, but I'll try to be more considerate of her feelings from now on either way.

A Love Letter to Ana Sisnet

I wasn't sure if I would write about this but I have decided I should. A friend of mine died last week. She wasn't the close kind of friend where we hung out at each other's houses- just the warm acquaintance that I was always delighted to see at parties and events.

Ana Sisnet was a renaissance woman. She seemed to have her hand in everything. A painter, a writer, a poet, a technology guru- she could do it all.

As is always true when someone passes, I think about the personal interactions I had with her. I bought her heart at Toma Mi Corazon a few years ago. Her beautiful African Mary and Child hangs in the window of my office.

My favorite memory of her was our running joke. On at least two occasions I managed to walk up on conversations just as she said something rather shocking and naughty. After that, each time I saw her I would tease her- "Are you behaving yourself Ana?" She would giggle like a girl and promise she was-- all the while looking like I had caught her once again in some act of debauchery.

I will miss her as a matriarch of the community. A leader of strong, capable women of grace and ability. I will remain hopeful that her influence created more that will follow her path.

Sleep sweet Ms. Ana. I hope you are making Heaven a bit more naughty...

http://www.austinchronicle.com/gyrobase/Issue/story?oid=oid%3A729023

This made me laugh...

more animals

Last Week

I can't say I had enough unusual things happen last week to warrant a whole blog entry so I thought I'd just give the headlines.

Planted my winter veggies. Couldn't start my tiller. Broke a water main pulling the hose to water said new veggies. Found a plumber that actually shows up within an hour and worked until 8:30 at night. Love those happy endings.

Started a workout class. 'Buns of steel' crippled me for 4 days. They should call it 'Thighs that will make you cry.' Afterward I seriously walked like I was 90 and screamed each time I bent my knees.

Saw 7 Pounds at Alamo Draft House. Definitely a hankie movie. On the way out I found a guy's wallet. I saw him in the lobby and identified him by his UT ID photo. Imagine his surprise as a strange dyke walks up to him holding a card next to his head, calls his name and hands back a wallet he didn't know he lost. My good deed for the day.

All else is well in the world. No earth-shattering changes, drama or tragedy. Epic win. Wishing you a week steeped in normality.

Whoa. What was that?

I'm experiencing something that doesn't happen often for me.

I fell out of love this weekend.

It happened once before that I can remember. Once when I was arguing with my soon-to-be ex wife and she tried to make me sell our house and force me to move out. I hung up the phone from a particularly tense and unhappy conversation and thought to myself, "I don't love you anymore."

This time was odd also. A phone conversation that started innocently enough but kind of unraveled about half way through.

Afterward I felt like I was coming down with the flu. I was shaking all over and my face was burning up. I felt cold and was almost sure I had a fever. I took a hot bath, slept a few hours and then woke up obsessing at 5am and couldn't go back to sleep.

I felt a bit better later in the morning but was still not myself. I then met a friend and the subject of this story for lunch and again felt flu-ish when lunch was over.

I went for a walk with my friend and the longer I walked and the more I talked the more I could feel the sickness draining out of me. Two hours later I was myself again.

I didn't think much more about it for the rest of the day and I slept well that night. The next day I felt good. Also different. No more warm fuzzies. No more heart pangs and soulful ache. It both did and didn't make sense. Maybe I finally said what I needed to say. Maybe I finally heard what I needed to hear.

Whatever the cause, I just sweated out a heartache and now I'm grinning to myself and thinking, "gee- what was all that bellyaching about?"

I'm not saying the subject of this story is a bad person, or unlikable; she certainly has her charms and I wish her every happiness.

I'm just glad the clouds have lifted and I can see my way forward again.

As for that morose Resolution post a few days back- I am still focused on becoming more healthy in body, mind and spirit. As for tending my heart- I think I just did.

It's good to be back.

Mommy Dearest

A woman I know is having a “Mommy Dearest” party this weekend and I am invited. I’m still not sure if I will go but one of the activities mentioned on the invite is to write a story about our mother that can somehow be tied in to the movie. Now one thing is for certain. My mother is practically a saint. I can’t think of a single time she has ever shown herself to be selfish, hateful or cruel. I aspire to be like her in that respect. My mother is also the only person I know that is exactly what she appears to be. No artifice, skeletons in the closet, sinister vices—nada. I know I could never be that person but I adore her for it. In thinking of a ‘mom’ story I could not think of anything that would put her in an unflattering light. Not so with dad- I could write a story about him practically every day, but that is another story—or many, or a novel.

I did, however think of a cute story about my mother and I thought I would share. It certainly does not portray her as cruel—just lacking in decorum, or as I like to describe- a gear for reverse.

My partner and I were hanging out at the dinner table with mom one afternoon. I don’t know how the original subject was broached but it created a horrifying and hilarious “mom story”. Here is pretty much a verbatim exchange.

Mom: “That k.d. lang is so ugly. She is the ugliest woman I believe I ever saw.”
Mom then peers at my partner, cocks her head and says: “You know, you kinda look like her.”
N is dumbstruck, blushes and doesn’t know whether to laugh or just stay silent.
Me: “Mom!”
Mom, now giggling nervously says: “Well, k.d. lang IS ugly, and you DO look like her!”
At this point we all disintegrate into giggling fits and I manage to gasp out: “Mom- just stop talking!”

I figure if that is the worst story anyone could come up with about their mother I am truly blessed. I indeed have a very good mama.

The Happy Year In Review

I thought I would create a pictorial representation of the things and people that made my year transcendent and special. No need to include the less-than-happy things. I'm sure they will be remembered well enough. Thank you to my friends, family and loves. I'm sure you are all in here somewhere...