Weeds

I thought I'd go back to the 'garden as metaphor for life and love again'. It's a favorite topic of mine.

I had to break down and weed my garden this weekend. Not that weeding is that uncommon but I had to pull massive amounts of Arugula, which is a fancy and expensive thing. Arugula is unique and interesting but it took over. It choked out my other lettuce and caused my cauliflower to never come up. It was so impressive, sitting there like a lush lawn, that I hesitated to remove it. I knew I couldn't use that much of it myself but I thought something so valuable could be of use to others. I put out the call and got almost no takers. I decided to ignore it and let it grow. Welcome it into my space. Allow it to flourish. Ultimately a bad idea. It began to take over to such a big extent that there was no room for anything else.

Thing is, you can't blame the plant. It only wants to grow and live. It was my fault. I should have stepped in earlier and I could have saved my garden for things I loved more. Ultimately I stared at my Arugula-filled space and knew I had to do it. I gingerly stepped over the fence and began to pull. With each handful I thought to myself- "You are valuable and precious but you cannot stay. I have to make room for other things."

In the end it was painful to see all the waste but I now have a fresh row of mixed squash planted and my tomatoes now have room to grow. I still look at the drying clumps of sharp-smelling delicacy with some amount of regret, but I know I did the right thing.

I will say this though. I bless this gift from God for coming into my life. There is probably enough seed for it to come back, but I will have to establish something else in the space first, then I'll consider its return.

One last thought. I have learned to think of love and attraction in this way when it doesn't work out: Enjoy the feast. Don't curse the bounty when it is gone and you again find yourself hungry.

Life Update

It's been a month like... well, I was about to say 'none other' but these things do tend to happen to me. More often than I would like.

I lost my job a couple weeks ago. Laid off from the Great and Powerful Dell. Funny thing is, I didn't get that upset. Never even shed a tear about it, although I almost choked up a little when my ex asked me what I needed. She can be rather sweet when I least expect it. Probably some sort of hidden superpower. Anyway, I think with all the prior layoffs and the feeling that my job was kind of nebulous, I was almost a little relieved. I also couldn't take it that personally. I know it didn't have to do with performance, or even whether they liked me. I was pretty well liked and my performance was above average. Someone on high just decided they could survive without a peripherals content developer.

So, for a few weeks I'm working a weird temp job I typically pick up between major jobs. It's grading essay exams for standardized tests. I'm grading Ohio right now and I have to say, if these kids are going to be controlling the economy when I am getting Social Security- bury your money in the backyard right now. Oh, and convert it to gold. There's hard times ahead.

I'm sure I won't be out of work terribly long but the unknown aspect of it has me living on a shoestring budget and kind of making a game of it. "How little can I live on?" "Can I go 3 days without spending a single bit of money?" Kind of puts a damper on my social life but who wants an unemployed date anyway? Guess I'll lay low for a while.

I'll update when I get a job. I have a lead on a long-term contract position at Apple but I don't know when I will interview. It would be a sweet job if it comes through. 10K more than I was making at Dell and (from what I hear) a much better environment. Send good energy out for me. This could the thing I seek.