Tuesday, August 28, 2007

And the hits just keep on comin...




They have caught yet another REPUBLICAN senator trying to get it on in a men's bathroom with an undercover cop. They really need to call the Repubs the party of the closet perve. Here is the conservative voting record of this hypocrite:

Larry Craig on Civil Rights Click here for 13 full quotes on Civil Rights OR background on Civil Rights.
  • Voted YES on recommending Constitutional ban on flag desecration. (Jun 2006)
  • Voted YES on constitutional ban of same-sex marriage. (Jun 2006)
  • Voted NO on adding sexual orientation to definition of hate crimes. (Jun 2002)
  • Voted YES on loosening restrictions on cell phone wiretapping. (Oct 2001)
  • Voted NO on expanding hate crimes to include sexual orientation. (Jun 2000)
  • Voted NO on setting aside 10% of highway funds for minorities & women. (Mar 1998)
  • Voted YES on ending special funding for minority & women-owned business. (Oct 1997)
  • Voted YES on prohibiting same-sex marriage. (Sep 1996)
  • Voted NO on prohibiting job discrimination by sexual orientation. (Sep 1996)
  • Voted YES on Amendment to prohibit flag burning. (Dec 1995)
  • Voted YES on banning affirmative action hiring with federal funds. (Jul 1995)
  • Supports anti-flag desecration amendment. (Mar 2001)
  • Rated 25% by the ACLU, indicating an anti-civil rights voting record. (Dec 2002)

Friday, August 24, 2007

Your Cheatin' Heart...

So I have some friends in the midst of recovery after an (incident? series? allotted amount?) Well, it was an affair. That in itself is unfortunate enough but small children were in those affected families and the landscape for at least some members will most likely change. I've pretty much tried to stay clear of all of it I can but it has brought up some feelings and issues for me that I thought I would discuss.

I grew up in a household where affairs were presented as so accepted and ordinary that it was a bit difficult for me as a child to get my bearings as to what normal behavior in society really looked like. Besides extended family, my parents didn't socialize with other couples and families the way I do as an adult, so I had even less to go on as to how the typical American family was expected to behave. What I knew was that from the time I was around 5 or 6, we had a special friend- who was sort of like an aunt- who spent every holiday, weekend and available amount of free time as a part of our household. For many years I blocked out the fact that she even shared my father and mother's bed. All three of them sleeping in the big king-sized, with my dad playing 'lucky pierre' in the middle and presenting it to us kids as totally normal.

I think the time the fucked-up 'family' dynamic really became real for me was when a girl about my age (12 or so?) was visiting over the weekend and after spending about a day around my family asked me: "Which one of those women is your mother?"

Oh my God.

Well, that woke me up. Even though a lot of physical contact was presented right in front of my face throughout my childhood, I still didn't understand that this other woman was treated like a second wife by my father. Also, my mother was somehow complacent in it and actually thought of the woman as a close friend. When that particular affair ended my mother even took my father's side in being indignant over the breakup.

My father has been with his current mistress since I was in college. He keeps this one a secret, except from his children. He continues to travel to work his old job past retirement so he can spend time with her. Funny thing is, now that he is in his senior years and not as sexually driven, he realizes what a spot he has gotten himself into. He seems to no longer want to be with the mistress but she has become so dependent on him he feels like he cannot end it. I think he is just hoping to die before he has to make a decision.

One of the last times I saw my father he took me aside and said "Learn from my mistakes. Don't do it even the first time."

Wow dad, obvious much? I learned from his mistakes by the time I was old enough to see them. I have never cheated on a lover and never would. Yeah, it has happened TO me more times than I would like, but it still hasn't shaken my knowledge that affairs and cheating are fucked up because they hurt people around you, and ultimately rot you away from the core.

So, how does this tie in with the current situation with my recovering friends? Well, I know my father, like many who cheat- attempts to explain to any who will listen- the reasons behind his actions and also very effectively labels as 'judgmental' anyone who attempts to hold him accountable. The one thing I wish is that someone HAD held my father accountable and maybe my family would not have turned out so screwed up. Maybe I wouldn't have turned out so disoriented and damaged.

In the commitment ceremonies for both affected sets of friends, the attendees vowed as a community to do all they could to support the success of those marriages. If some in the community believe the stick is more affective than the carrot, I understand and approve of that. If others believe the families need unconditional and loving support I'm behind that also.

Bottom line is I support whatever helps everyone to learn and understand and grow and survive- but most importantly- be healthy.