Art for Art's Sake

I don't often find myself in the position of having no idea what I will do next. I however seem to have stumbled into it lately. I like my life and the excitement that is around every turn in the past few weeks. I like not knowing who will call or who I will spend time with next. I figure my time for this kind of folly is limited so if someone calls with an unusual invitation you only live once, right?

So along with this non-stop fun is a quandary. Someone who stepped into my path and doesn't fit my pattern. Doesn't fit a pattern I recognize and is unlike anyone I have met in years. While she gives me less time than it takes to gulp a glass of wine to recover she seems to pop up in my path as the sane and logical as opposed to the train wrecks and bait and switch types that have appeared on my horizon as of late.

This one challenges my ideas of gender roles, attraction and even what draws me to certain women at all. I feel as though I have been plucked up out of my comfort zone and dropped into another place altogether. This is a place of Picasso or Dali when I was browsing through Da Vinci.

It is not an unpleasant space. It is actually quite beautiful. But who knows if I can get over myself enough to accept it or if I will chase off the opportunity and follow some winding and impossible path of convention played out in unconventional terms. The one thing it is forcing me to learn is- it's all art; and it all makes life worth living.

Thank you.

Death and Destruction

Truly there are things in this world that test our faith. The fact that religious leaders cannot tell us any more than anyone else why there is senseless death, disease and tragedy in this world does not comfort us. It tends to upset most of all the somewhat faithful, that see blind faith as belonging to their parents, but somehow missing the big picture for themselves.

I met an atheist recently. We were out on a date and she told me she doesn't believe in God. I found this to be the biggest red flag of the evening. I can certainly understand being an educated person and- if you have no particular religious indoctrination- seeing faith as somewhat antiquated and superstitious. That said, I can't imagine being in a relationship with an atheist. Agnostic- sure. Pagan, Wiccan, Jew, fallen Catholic, Buddhist, whatever the flavor- but no belief in a higher power at all has me stumped. I think it would affect how I saw them.

Funny though, I probably had my biggest crises of faith when I was between the place of knowing nothing to knowing... well, a bit more than nothing where I am now. I renewed my faith when I started to see the nature of God as loving energy that set us in motion. We are far too small to control like puppets so I don't think that is God's purpose at all. Just as you won't (and in most cases- can't) control your children in certain decisions, you instead provide a framework and trust that even if they make the wrong decisions, they are learning- and the purpose of life is to learn.

I found out on Monday that a friend's sister committed suicide. I have no words for my friend to comfort her but I can tell you that this incident forced my roommate R to speak to me for the first time in 3 weeks. It also put a few petty grievances in perspective. I was telling someone the other day that we have a short lifespan for a reason. We have pain and tragedy for a reason too. I honestly believe that love would not exist if there was never a chance it could be lost. We appreciate things and pay attention because it is fleeting. How many of us remember more fondly the short-lived intense connections that broke our heart while not always fully giving thanks for the sweet person at our side day after day?

There are those out there that will always curse the rain and ignore the sunshine. Sometimes that person is me. Today I'm lucky.